Social pressure

At the start of the new year, everyone around me seems to be setting new targets. End of the year in proving their mettle. (I think I did it too, publishing the best of my paintings).

It has been a ritual : many of these friends, their wishes die quick. Few who stick around perhaps due to the social media pressure, they shall keep posting to show that they live to their wish. An iota of the whole lot, sticks to their resolutions, fueled by the carrot of their own dreams.

But, the real lot, dreams and makes them real and there is no steam spent on Talk, social updates, but on Real work on their dream.
(No. I do not belong to this lot as I am writing all about it to post on FB/G+ .)

I recall, that I used to resort to social media to maintain pressure on myself to keep up with my runs and my drawing, rather than spend time watching TV and lazing around. This has worked for me. the only time I 'waste' now, is when I sleep. I was much laid back to try a sketch a day, before Facebook arrived. Then, there was one such forum ‘1 sketch a day’, that started it all.
Social media can be a blessing i.e. if you use it to develop and appreciate the world around you.

Unfortunately, most of us spend too much time bitching , ‘knowing’ too much and watching the dark side of the moon, fencing the "shwartz's" in the name of your King..defending territories..But not much in creativity....Blah Blah…..
Uhh..Resolutions! I forgot..

I trust in continuous progress..overcoming failure (strain points), when it feels like. No force! You always have a large margin with the best, at what you chose as 'Hobbies'..(the things that you do for fun). Important, that I get fun out of everything I do perhaps, by changing the way I do ‘things’.
I get lesser "fun" in a race as I am not born to race. . I DO NOT believe in scientific measure of progress and checking the targets with actual. It is for robots not for human beings. Rebellious?

It may be ok for starters, as a discipline. OR it also depends, on who, you want to shine your beam of achievements upon. My kids have taught me lot more important lesson. They mention that they never want to top in the class. They would be raising my expectations by doing too much and develop pressure upon themselves and further run the rat race. (They, I observe, keep more pressure on themselves than not “competing, and knowing what is good for them.”)

A rank brings in pressure due to the recognition that you did best sometime back.. but you become desperate to keep up with it. This is bonded labor to Social pressure.

You would not race if you were alone? You would just run or even walk..!

I wish, I was a silent, lone spectator of my own game, but, the artist screams to express and let the world know. Perhaps it’s the age that allows me to express only the creative part of it. I found my refuge in creativity. I hate to set targets to be “more creative”. It ought to happen by practice AND by being in circles of more creative people. The more I meet, the better.

My work would reflect the people I have met. I learn to be that kind of mirror.

Pune 50km Ultra marathon..Where many dreams come true.

Negative frame of mind takes a toll on my training and to top, a week at Kerela with absolutely no exercise and plenty of eating did not better the situation. Yet, it would not be just to put the blame squarely on the trip. It improved the frame of mind and the outlook became more positive.
A friend requested for a blog .. frankly at this point, I am at loss of words. So let me start typing and a rabbit might come out of the hat all by itself and surprise me.
I had a target to run 50 km before I crossed the age of 50. I was able to do this today.
No! Not on a plain road, but in a Ultra terrain. Good part is that I can walk around on my feet without much pain.
3 days before the race Dr Sandesh Doshi gave me a call. He asked me about my strategy for the upcoming ultra.
Strategy? I had almost made up my mind to not run this ultra. Further.. I never have any strategies for any race because I try to last with whatever I have. I have not reached that stage to plan and execute. Body doesn't listen if brain commands and vice versa. At this stage in life..I do not like to plan too much. Every plan can be debated and the outcome may not be what you like even if you gave it the best. So, I would rather be a surf boarder that rides the wave, as the ocean and the wind casts. This is the only agility that makes sense to me. So, all I plan is to get the best possible line in a given situation and accept the yield.
The call gave a positive impulse to my mind. I would have felt bad to betray my PTC running mates Umesh and Vijay so I decided to give it a try. I had two-three weeks of pathetic running schedule to back me up.
On the day before the race, I ran in my floaters on Nibm- Ramtekdi trail..and then returned home via road..more so because of the guy from SRPF who was on the guard on the trail to wane of any civilians. I did not want to get hit by stray bullet on day before race. I was not aware that the hillside on left was used for Firing practice. It was an effortless 12km run (without water). I drank a jug full of enerzal to keep me hydrated through rest of sat.
Sunday morning 3AM alarm wakes me up. I am in a good mood. A cup of tea and two slices of bread with one egg. I choose to go to the venue on my motorbike. Its wet outside and it has rained the earlier night. I reach Innovera School. Join the race participants.
Naveen is explaining the rules of the game. Two loops with preset time for completion. You miss the time ..You get marked as Did not finish. I like the rule. Its an ultra and should be treated so.
At 6AM the race begins. It is a very different race than I ran before. The path winds through an unwoken village. Smell of cow dung. Few dogs bark just because its their duty.
We come across a canal. When I feel slowed down..I take deep breaths swooshing through the mouth as a capillary. It cools the breath and I found it very effective during last marathon.
Soon there is a support station and then the road climbs towards Ramdara temple. Ramdara temple and the lake are very soothing to the eye. There is very little sunlight yet. I should come here with family for a sketching session. There is a stone path that skirts the temple and ends into the real ultra world. The path winds through fields. It is still dark and I cannot make out the crop. I wonder how Umesh copes with such terrain, with bare feet. Vijay is wearing sandles just like me.
The 12.5km trun around point arrives and I get a colored band as certificate.
It is a rush from here to the start point as I need to be there at 3:00Hrs cutoff for 25 km. The path along the canal now seems never ending. Dr Sandesh has caughtup with me. I inflict some of my negativity on him abt this path not being “very Happening one”. He jollies me to keep going as it is a slope that we should take advantage of.
Innovera school appears, I have made it in 3:00hrs, and have 5 mins bonus. Sophia douses my head with ice water from the sponge. Its instant relief and I forget the loop ahead of me. It is just a fresh start..km 0.
Navin gives me a hug and advises me to take off the T shirt. “Its an Ultra..and should be run bare chested.” Chandan advises, “ All of us are 8 pack or family pack. Forget the pack and take off the T”.
I am still too shy, but by the time I reach the canal, there is a nice breeze and a burning sun. Naveen’s advice worked and I take off my T shirt and hang it like a cloak. I least care that I am a blot on the scene with packets of fat, where ripping muscles ought to be. When I get to the road I get into a new Avatar with Sandles on my palms. A motorcyclist hoots me and I ignore.
Barefeet have started relaxing the foot and the calf muscles. I am in a walk run mode as I am well beyond a continuous run. The fields are in sunlight. Birds Chirping at Ramdara. It’s a bliss if I forget the pain I inflicted upon myself voluntarily.
I started the run without a watch. I have lost sense of time. I have worked on only one strategy. Ride the wave as it is. How long? Surfing certificates? I do not need them. All I need is a 50 KM run before I turn 50. Its a simple goal that gets completed once I get to innovera school.
The terrain is almost like a trek. It also reminds me of Taljai Pleateau where I used to train in late 80s. It was a rough place to run. I collect my third band at the turnaround point. I have now using Walk only strategy. 12.5 km walk will not kill me. I enjoy the fields..Bringals, Spinach..A jeep arrives and Nitin warns me that he shall be pulling off support. I am fine with this. I have 1 litre water that shall suffice. (ie if I do not run.) At Ramdara, my Free runner friends give me a last offer..i.e to ride with them. They make it very clear that I am now in a did not finish state. I cannot make it in cutoff time. Also, that there shall be no support. I ask them not to worry. I cannot explain to anyone but myself. ’I am not here to earn a cert. I am here to ride the wave of 50 and get to innovera. If it is thru walk I am fine.’
Nitin has pulled in the last guy behind me. He again makes an offer. AT least 5 times in my travel to end point I was asked if I need help. Perhaps my stubbornness is at their cost, which I realize. To one I say..I ran my 1st Pune marathon from 25 km to end without water. So the last 8km is no big deal with 1 lt of water. I am embarrassed by my own goal..All I wanted was to get all support on road and do my 50. Nitin arrives on Motorbike. We talk about mutual friends etc..He is not willing to let me go alone. Innovera arrives. My friends and participants give me a good applause. I feel very happy to complete my 50 before my 50.
A goal to tick off. Thanks to Free runners who made it happen. Their love and comradeship is unbeatable.
Why can’t I be as carefree? Perhaps it should be my next “goal” ? smile emoticon
Jeetu has a very special moment. His Pune Ultra dream is now rolling in real sense. Not a flat road 50 km race.
An Ultra in Ultra terrain. With Cutoffs to make it challenging!

Bengaluru marathon - return of a recovered runner

42 km at Bengaluru

42 km at Bengaluru
Rule number (0): Start run keeper on mobile. Keep in Silent mode and continue as if it does not exist. Watch the reading only at end.
Rule Number 1: Vary my speed using few short bursts.
This got me 10.5km at 54min 54 sec including 1 pee break. (Much better than all of the earlier marathons.)
Rule number 2: 10 km onwards, treat 10 km mark as 0 km and continue repeat bursts. Cool down when feels exerted. Watch the body.
Met Thomas. Four bare footers jogged in a line. And then Thomas said, We are in between 4:00 and 4:15 bus. (It is too good a feeling to be true. I never dreamed of this.)
Half marathon in 2:02:03 which is my 21 km PB.
Rule number 3: Drank water on most of the booths between 5km to 20 km. 20 km to 30 km did not need much water.
Rule Number 4: Remembered ‘Ustaad’. Use the Butt force during run. Straight back. Thighs should take load. Reduced step distance.
But then we do not live in a very organised world that works only with rules. Always some things to maintain imbalance.
AT 31km (PB 03:02:07) a piece of glass entered my left toe. Has happened many times I pull it out and run.
ONLY this time it broke inside. I tried but could not remove.
Rule number 5: Don’t count your chicks before they are hatched.
I continued to limp, stop inspect.
Rule Number 6: Use all the resources you have on your body.
A foreigner felt sorry and offered me his mobile arm band. That was when I realised I too had one wink emoticon. Wound my mobile band around left foot.
ALAS: I had safety pins which could have dislodged the glass easily when it entered. It just did not occur to me. I could have taken titanus shots later.
Kept pressure on outer ridge of the left foot…heavier landing on right foot. Weaker legs. Was forced to walk run.
So the little bit of progress I could make for the rest limping with a Mobile arm holder tied up to the toe to reduce pain.
Ash Nath passes by and gestures me to keep going strong.
Rule Number 6: Drifting is OK. But Back to reality.One thing at a time.
Cubbon park is beautiful, I envy Bangaloreans, but I am not here to paint. I wish I were.
4:45 bus overtakes me. The end is just 5 kms and I let this bus take over. That was all I wanted, a 4:45 marathon. Could have been 4:30 but that still feels a long call.
I continue to walk. Have removed the mobile band, as it slips all the time. Body is cold and feet have started complaining for last 3 kms. Can’t keep the body warm as I can’t run.
It ended in 5:19 marathon.
As I say its God time.(again)! Even if you plan and progress something could still go wrong. Am happy with my perf for 21km AND upto 31km..From then on I tried to complete to best of my ability. It is easy to give up at 6kms from end line. But should we ever DNF because your dreams did not turn real? Perhaps I could have tried to ignore the pain and run. Perhaps, continuing was too foolish.
I went for first aid in the stadium..The ‘Doc’ bent a syringe in many attempts to get the piece out,Thick alligator skin sole. How it hurt then and made me cry like a kid.
Glass better than needle.

Afterthoughts:

Sometimes I really look at the money I invested in an event.
I was not shot by a bullet in the leg. It was just a tiny piece.
I know of guys who could bear more pain and would still do it in 4:30..
We could look at Army guys! I am lot more relaxed about my goals. But I know, it is easy to get morose if you think of target that you wanted to achieve.
I have also known people give up a run in between just because they prefer DNF rather than a black mark on Time. I do not understand this attitude. If you are doing your best in circumstances Should time ever matter? Is this something that I had learned earlier and relearned yet again?
We should think about it as the best judgement in circumstances..forget the rest!
It hurts to slip off track for sure . Dark thoughts of giving up the run 6km premature did cross my mind. I could still think that I could have done an easy 4:45 .
I did not have guts to do that.