Smoking out the desire to Smoke

As a boy I used a glass of milk and Tea was never my choice till Grade 10.

As a trainee in a factory, I got introduced to Tea. Tea was something that I never liked but it got into the system and became a part of it. Coffee creeped in too but my fav has always been a glass of Cocoa all these years. I find that these beverages are taken by many, few take it to a degree of addiction that they cannot do without many a cups. 
On the flipside I have a friend, who still does not take any of the caffeine drinks, perfectly pure! Perfectly sane and in control of his body and mind. He should, as he is a surgeon. (Note that this article is written by a 50+ year old who has observed the after effects over time. My friend is not perfectly a Vandame, but he is close. I know, there are many such and I see few of them as good runners during marathons.)

Let me now get into worse evils. I feel, I should spell out this darker secret in my life for benefit to others, who it might help.
 At 18, after I started earning, I started with occasional Beer, then graduated to Gin and later to Whiskey. Fortunately, drink habits depended on Money and I did not have too many till mid 40s.

A change of Job and I got into Smoking..Occasional 2 per day..Sometimes 3. I was very sure that it does not hurt. I do not remember how and when I got into more but..I did. More addiction is NEVER as per plan. Humans tend to slip away. 
It had gone upto 5 cigs everyday..occasionally more. I have smoked for 14 years and it may have done damage that I never cared about. 
But then, in the company where I work, many VPs and directors suddenly stopped smoking. When I was dillydallying with the idea, a DVP mentioned to me that I may realize the side effects later, not now..but perhaps after 50s.

A car accident http://papendha.blogspot.in/2014/11/a-date-quite-accidental.html gave me the needed jolt. I had survived so far, in spite of all the wrongs I did to my Body,by grace of god. 
Yet it had not salvaged me and I continued my abuse. I lost control of my car on a straight road! Much worse, I could have done away with my entire family at the cost of my negligence.

I gave up smoking after that day. God wants me to live and prosper. What right do I have to damage my body? My reflexes have died over the years. If others have faith in me, I need to rejuvenate myself so that the faith is intact. I will not be a rock climber again, as I live with a Frozen shoulder.
But I may be able to be a better runner perhaps, where lungs are everything.
 

Giving up is not easy and it brings in reactions. The first 3 days were toughest. My wife was supportive and another friend who gave up a year, before me were the people I looked up to. The effort was earnest. With my age, I knew exactly what goes wrong with the body. My Boss had mentioned drooling, saliva dripping in sleep etc very graphically and I respect his age for telling it much ahead, before I age. I was aware of my loss of control and slowdown of reaction.

When one decides to give up, the sole drive/ determination is from within self. No amount of external advice helps. It has to be a self suggestion. You must be a super hero to yourself. There are no awards or merit certs here. A cleanup drive will show you the light , with time.

You can give up right now, if you make up your mind DO NOT take a stepped approach to give up. It has high failure rate. 

The key things that helped.

• I joined a no-smoking forum. It helped me count days I did without smoke. (I gave up counting after 6 months as I had no desire to blacken my lungs again. Passive smoke became a irritation.)
• When irritated or a desire for smoke, I chewed ajwain to clear my tongue OR Ate a chocolate
• Climbed the stairs of my office. Counted the repeatitions
• Went out in the traffic for a walk where my mind would be distracted.
• Most imp: Be with people who do not Smoke. Look around for role models. There are MANY.
• Reward yourself on achieving a milestone in your goal.
• Be the superman. Be your own role model.
• The time i spent in smoking was later spent in doing quick sketches. 'Create' something that you will look back upon. Create many such small things. These are actual wins that use the mind positively, rather than a drugged state of nothingness.

A couple of months later, you face the mirror which has a younger self, positive, determined who can do without and stay perfectly natural.

The real macho is the one who can face reality, forge a destiny by taking steps, in a positive state of mind.

A salute to all who quit and a challenge to others who want to make up their minds!

My Next challenge is quit drinks totally. I dare myself.

Fear gives wings

A pigeon adamantly lay eggs in one of the empty Garden pots in my balcony, after many efforts to shoo it. We did not have the heart to throw the eggs away ,so we let it live and make a mess.
We risked the germs/ infection and let them coo.
Two young birds emerged..The mother fed, the father ran away as soon as anyone ventured into the balcony. The mother was, perhaps, sure that we would not go against her. Her kids began to exercise the legs to take the body weight. No! they could not fly or hop.
The vessel of water used to get dirty and it was replaced every day. It has been a 40deg+ Celcius everyday.

One day disaster strikes. As Ila ventured into the balcony, one of the chicks was slaughtered to deeath by a crow. The other one could not be seen but it stood underneath the iron frame, shit scared.Would not even chirp.
The dead sibling was dispersed. We kept a watch on the crows to avert the fate of the remaining one in our maternity home. Law of nature..Human intervention..We pitied the poor remnant.
Its parents came and went every now and then. To move the kid from its place meant sure death.

The kid started moving around the balcony. It tried to hop to the ledge, but was not strong enough. it probably forgot the peril or maybe it learned a lesson..Its hiding place was not safe.

One evening, I went to the balcony and the kid was not in the usual place. Ila told me that he had flown.
It was a great relief ..not to witness another massacre. God spared one, via Fear. Fear gave wings. The chick developed rapidly in 4-5 days to make the dared flight.

The mess was cleaned and we removed all empty pots. The guano was used to plant another sapling. No empty pots!  The mother came to have a look and I could see the surprise on her  face. She could not believe the transformation.

Few days ago, I looked at the parapet and there was a smaller bird peeking at me. Its feathers, were more fresh than others, not the strange black hair anymore.
It then showed off its flight.

Fear does give wings..The chick worked on it to be strong like the parents, it would not live otherwise.

The pot of water attracts birds. And yesterday a strange thing happened.

The crow was croaking with its legs at odd angles to the balcony grill. I was within a meter, but it did not budge. It looked at me with neck turned and again croaked. I was spell bound and I asked " if all was well. I have kept water for you."
The crow took flight..perhaps it had conveyed all that was there to talk about.

Perhaps, it is the same crow who warned me once of a Orange Fruit bat sucking flower nectar on one of the tall trees.
At least, it was as talkative and trying to get a dialog with me. yes .. This guy does try to connect!

Being (a rich) Human:

The more money you have.. the more you are inclined to capitalism.
Do not wash this feeling; It is not a guilt. Capitalism is the most 'natural' philosophy. Earn as much as you deserve.
What you do with your money, depends on your sense of life. If it is shallow, you will not enjoy full returns on your hard earned money.
What is shallow? No one can explain for you Its your past and your upbringing that decides.

If you attempt to feign being a socialist, driving for humanitarian causes, you are just satisfying the bit of pinch, that richness gave you. the glory that you get is not long lasting. But if you managed to change another's life, perhaps that would be rewarding.
(as long as you expect no return on such investment its ok.)

Whichever path you choose, you work for yourself. The more influential shall always rise the weaker perish.

There is still one path to personal satisfaction..which is ..to do the least harm to others, when you earn your dough. It may not leave you filthy rich in $$$ ..yet you will not roll in your grave for misdeeds or trampling another's aspirations.

...For humanity sake.. think about what you do as a human..not what religion asks.. ...For humanity sake.. think about what you do as a human..not what religion asks.. Religion is fake..based on what the multitude wants to hear, without argument. No rules and laws dictated..
Important that you live for yourself and do not go overboard..

(Not sure why I write such stuff. It just evolves around my current thoughts) so pl bear with the artist.... smile emoticon

Perhaps its the end of schindler's list that is deep set in the brain..With few more gold I could save few more?

or perhaps it is the empty bowl of water and grains that I left for the birds tells me.. When I am away they come and drink
I do not need to see them.. to vouch it has not evaporated.
I leave a bit more for the nest day to watch the spoils. I owe a bit of my earnings to the birds. They play no politics!

Note: I am for capitalism (since the days, when I had very less dough)..Just a odd man out..perhaps there are more